American politics has morphed with frightening endurance into a low-budget Kafka play, directed by Ed Wood. And we, the spectators, are all helpless bugs on a wall. There is no escape from this theatrical farce of a nightmare; it'll all be over in 10 days, we're told in stage asides, but of course it won't be over, come that predestined night of November 8. Nor will it be over in three months, as President Clinton settles in to four years of mindless Supreme Court battles, critical policy rejections, frivolous investigations and classic Republican bugabooing.
Let us review the tragicomedy's latest: Scene I, Act CCCLXXVIII. A disgraced and altogether forgettable former congressman had "sexted" some really bored women on a laptop, which may contain emails "pertinent" to an equally forgettable investigation into Hillary Clinton's emails — although the former secretary of state had absolutely nothing to to do with the little weenie's "pertinent" emails being on his laptop. This masturbatory crime of the century — oh my, worse than last century's Watergate! — compelled the FBI to reopen its unclosed investigation into SecState's electronic correspondence, recently and exhaustively revealed to be as yawm-worthy as the former congressman's underemployed testosterone.
This, the FBI was compelled to do (which itself is a rather long, risible subplot) a mere 11 days from the presidential election, in which an experienced, conventional Democratic pol is pitted against an ignorant fascist who rightly horrifies the lingeringly sane among his own, erstwhile party. The latter's inevitable nomination sprang from Scene I, Act I, which debuted an agonizing 16 months ago. It was then that Kafka commenced scribbling, and we became helpless bugs on his wall.
Shifting rapidly to Scene II of the latest theatrical acts of madness, the FBI director was also compelled to email his junior g-men (by the way, in the interest of "transparency," shouldn't we be allowed to see all of Director Comey's emails?) and explain why the once-distinguished law enforcement agency now resembles a Republican puppet. "We [meaning I] don’t know the significance of this newly discovered collection of emails," he wrote. Nonetheless, compelled he was to openly investigate their almost certain insignificance. For at the root of his compulsion was that most primal motivator of all Beltway behavior: the need to cover one's ass.
All this comedy "left Mrs. Clinton’s team furious and scrambling for explanations" as to just what in the fuck it is that Jimmy & Co. is investigating. Did Anthony leave some spoo on his blue laptop while sucking down some of Huma's unclassified homework? Who the hell knows; what's more, who the hell cares? The empirical arts inform us that after months, years, of investigating the latest Clinton scandal, nothing of any significance will be revealed.
I can, however, answer the aforementioned question. Enter the ignorant fascist, stage right, and his Goebbelsesque gang of cutthroats — all of whom know what this is all about, and care very much. Brayed his Orange Ignorance to New Hampshire cheers of "lock her up": "Hillary Clinton’s corruption is on a scale we have never seen before. We must not let her take her criminal scheme into the Oval Office."
The Republican national committee chairman whooped that the "F.B.I.'s decision to reopen their criminal investigation into Hillary Clinton’s secret email server" proved that "the Democratic nominee should be disqualified from seeking the presidency," and a ghastly fascist should be installed, forthwith. The Republican speaker of the House hysterically declared that the de facto president-elect "should no longer be allowed to receive classified briefings." And somewhere, the House Oversight Committee chairman, Jason Chaffetz — a man so virtuous as to effectively endorse said ghastly fascist for president — is gearing up for four years of utterly fruitless investigations, all of which will subtract in whole from actual governance.
As noted, the presidential election is already decided as a fundamental matter of anti-fascist sentiment, hence American democracy remains reasonably sane. But as for American politics? It's become blazingly saddled by a kind of evil Mel Brooks, rewriting Franz Kafka's draft. And this bug has just about had enough of the farce.