Rep. Jason Chaffetz's initially drafted Facebook statement on his decision not to run for reelection in 2018:
"For those that would speculate otherwise, let me be clear that I have nothing but ulterior motives. For I'm not only a sleazy pol, I'm a sleazy Republican pol — and one can't get sleazier than that. I am healthy. I am confident I would continue to be re-elected by large margins, since I've a massive base of self-righteous Mormons who'd vote for any vapid Hillary- or Obama-hater with an "R" before his name. Speaking of the self-righteous, I have the full support of Speaker Ryan to continue as Chairman of the Oversight and Government Reform Committee — and there, gentle voters, lies my ulterior motive for temporarily bailing on politics. Without Hillary in the White House, which at one time was a personal boner of a certainty, just who in hell am I supposed to be overseeing, investigating and harassing? To paraphrase Republican strategist Rick Wilson (appearing on Chris Hayes's program last night), Trump could waddle home each night with a suitcase full of bloody cash, and House Republicans would yawn. Nothing to see there, folks; that's our motto. And that means I've absolutely nothing to do, as a congressional chairman, for the next two years. So, goodbye. I'm off to make a shitload of money in "private industry," until …"