Alberto's alibi(s)

In a prerelease of his testimony before the Senate Judiciary Committee Thursday, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales appears intent on proferring one, or perhaps even both, of two eccentric lines of defense: 1) self-evident falsehoods; but what the hell, he'll simply join what's sure to be a growing list of future presidential-pardon recipients anyway, and 2) towering ignorance; he has next to no clue about what transpired in his own backyard, but please forgive him since he was terribly busy with protecting the little ones from sexual predators, thank you very much.

As for the first: "He acknowledged in his testimony that his public statements about the firings had been confusing and that he had misspoken at a news conference on March 13 when he asserted that he 'was not involved in any discussions about what was going on.'"

But, on the other hand, regardless, despite that, just the same, however, in any event he says "Of course I knew about the process because of, at a minimum, these discussions with Mr. [Kyle] Sampson."

Try untangling those two diametric webs of deceit.

If only Alberto didn't possess such a penchant for mouthing declarative absolutes: He was not involved in any discussions, except of course he was. If only Alberto had learned to speak with the poetic evasion of Donald Rumsfeld. If only Alberto weren't such a piss-poor liar.

As for the second line of defense -- his "I'm too busy" ignorance of who comes and goes as a mere U.S. Attorney -- his voluminous testimony is reportedly rather scant on this matter of principal interest, "with the rest devoted to discussions of other issues before the department," for instance his aforementioned hunting of sexual predators.

In this case it's hard to know just whose ignorance he's relying on more to make the sale -- his own, or what he hopes is the Senate Judiciary Committee's; that somehow it'll be forgivingly distracted in its awe of his other, more admirable endeavors.

I hope Alberto isn't putting too much stock in either defense, since committee chairman Pat Leahy immediately pronounced his testimony as just "another in a series of contradictory statements about the mass firing of U.S. attorneys," Charles Schumer said it "does not advance his cause at all," and even Republican Arlen Specter characterized Alberto's latest, less than innovative defense as "pablum."

But there's always the pardon. And I'm betting that has to be uppermost in Alberto's defensive mind, since even Dick Cheney, who persists in assiduously marketing his own ignorant prevarications of a Saddam-9/11 link, has said "this took place inside the Justice Department. The one who needs to answer to that and lay out on the record the specifics of what transpired is the attorney general."

Translation: Bye-bye Alberto, but you've plenty of time to start drafting a pardon request.

The only thing that surprises is that according to news reports the attorney general invested a full seven days of intense preparation just to go before the U.S. Senate and reveal himself as either deceitful or stupid, or both. That was a lot of time subtracted from pursuing those sexual deviants. But not to worry, I guess, since from what little I've seen on "Dateline," they're every bit as stupid and snag-able as Alberto.

Comments

[Vic Anderson]

More and More MUCHO diametrically opposed, Banana Republican mirrorspeak.

[Ricardo]

They don't care much for the first amendment, but they sure do embrace the fifth.

[Bebe Rebozo]

Great edtiorial. An echo of Fitzgerald's observation that, at the end of the day, elaborate lies are tissue thin and miles deep.

Senior Bushies are unfamiliar at having to explain their specious rationale. No is rarely heard among yes men.

Mr. Gonzales also serves at the pleasure of the President. When will Mr. Bush show some leadership instead of blind faith and ask for his resignation?

The Republicans don't want to go into 2008 with yet another Rumsfeld-style sycophant hanging around their necks. The Iraqi millstone is already heavy enough and will hopefully prove to be their undoing.

Couldn't happen to a nicer bunch of congressional courtiers.

[Adrian C]

No amount of kissing is able to turn these frogs into princes anymore.

[makesenseofit]

Does anyone out there understand the language of the ruler party (republican right neocons) or in easy speak (the people who control the country and the language they use is their own concocted doublespeak and whatever else is necessary to confuse the hell out of the opposition. A battle plan unprecedented in our modern history of events. Especially when the American do not get it yet and 30% still believe the prez is OK...

[kb_man]

"Hey Ma, is that goose cooked yet?"

I'm getting good at predicting these guys. I wrote somewhere last week that Gonzo was trying to find a path that would plausibly explain his statements to Congress. And since lying to the American public in a news conference isn't illegal, he was likely to declare those parts of his contradictory statements to be the false ones. His problem is that it's not just self-contradictory statements, but also the many contradictions between his sworn testimony and the testimony of others.