In a move as unexpected as another pornographic display of Ann Coulter's ugly mind, yesterday the White House again declared war on accountability. I was delighted, truth be told. For this administration to start behaving with any show of decency or legality at this late stage would merely be an unsettling, apocalyptic sign of a suddenly disordered universe.
Writing dual letters on behalf of the regal gangster whose unfettered, unimpeached tenure has the entire world baffled, the White House's chief pettifogger, Fred Fielding, "advised and informed" the insanely powerless chairmen of the House and Senate judiciary committees that "the White House will not be making any production in response to these subpoenas for documents" regarding the U.S. Attorneys' firings, which would only prove, he failed to add, the stinking corruption and criminality of the Bush administration.
Five will get you ten that Fred wrote that very, final line to Karl in an RNC email in a moment of White House levity, just before shoving the unobliging letters in envelopes -- signing off, "Karl, I never knew trampling on the Constitution could be such fun! What are those Congressional schmucks gonna do about it? What have they ever done about it?"
But Mr. Fielding actually did write something to Messrs. Pat Leahy and John Conyers almost as facetious: "With respect, it is with much regret that we are forced down this unfortunate path which we sought to avoid by finding grounds for mutual accommodation."
I defy any thinking, fair-minded person to locate as much as one syllable of honesty, one vowel of integrity, one single dotted "i" of straight shooting in that entire, miserable sentence.
This White House has no "respect" for anyone or anything except its own grotesquely obese power; it "regrets" absolutely nothing it ever does; it is scarcely being "forced down" any undesired path; the "unfortunate" part is wholly of its own choosing; it seeks to "avoid" nothing but scandalously delayed accountability; and any act of "mutual accommodation" is as foreign to these bullying blackguards as sweaty fornication is to Pope Benedict XVI.
And there has ensued yet more black comedy. "The White House has said it would allow current or former White House officials to speak to the committee only under strict limitations. Specifically, Bush has insisted that the officials not be compelled to testify under oath, that their testimony not be recorded or transcribed and they speak to a limited number of lawmakers in private."
To that, Leahy and Conyers should reply to Mr. Bush with this brief, slightly modified but pointedly relevant line from "Arthur," in which the exasperated John Gielgud instructs the incorrigible Dudley Moore: "Perhaps you would like us to wash your dick for you, too ... you little shit."
But they won't, of course. Instead, they'll pound their mighty chests and bellow platitudinous nothings, which Mr. Leahy has already previewed: "Increasingly, the president and vice president feel they are above the law. In America no one is above law."
Quaint, indeed, but the president has some news for you, Senator. And in the nick of time, the right-wing courts will confirm it.
So should you give it up, Senator? Just concede your impotence and defeat? Plant a crown on Arthur's illiterate head and a scepter in his bratty hands and declare the game over? Here's a helpful hint. You'll never beat this clown as long as your party keeps impeachment off the table. You've nothing to threaten him with.