Since our commander in chief insists on behaving like a bemedaled Musharraf atop a lawless banana republic, perhaps it's time Congress joined the fray and began acting like Cromwell's Rump Parliament, just before the former instructed the latter: "You have sat too long for any good you have been doing lately…. Depart, I say, and let us have done with you. In the name of God, go!"
And if we're going to go down, we may as well have a little fun in the process.
The latest bit of merrymaking on the executive-branch side of our present constitutional bedlam -- which we'll get to more fully in a minute -- comes on the heels of Congress' merrymaking with the Fourth Amendment earlier this month, which is to say, Congress accidentally erased it. But one can't really blame the lawmakers, since accidental legislation is merely the result of their not having written, read, or comprehended it. Maybe your ignorance of the law is no excuse in court, but ignorance of laws Congress passes is acceptable s.o.p. in a Forrest Gump democracy.
But, whatever. The important point is, it was all a big mistake. Congress has now dutifully read the Enabling Act and is so very freakin' embarrassed, since, as the New York Times reported yesterday, the bill "may have given the administration more surveillance powers than it sought" -- such as "the collection of business records, physical searches and so-called 'trap and trace' operations, analyzing specific calling patterns." You know, your basic, high- and low-tech KGB stuff.
Yet, looping our way back to that latest bit of executive-branch merrymaking, the phrase "may have given" just may have given the wrong impression, since it is, in fact, a screaming non sequitur. For as the Times further reported: "Bush administration officials have already signaled that, in their view, the president retains his constitutional authority to do whatever it takes to protect the country, regardless of any action Congress takes."
The White House's line of Musharraf-KGB reasoning on this is, of course, an epic bastardization of Article II, Section 1, of the U.S. Constitution: "The executive Power shall be vested in a President of the United States of America." The Founders failed to specifically deny "dictatorial power" -- some things are just understood; like, for instance, the rest of the Constitution -- hence the Bush administration has taken and run with this forgiveable lapse, quoting and requoting Article II like a mad hatter.
To which, I say, Congress should offer the fashionable Jim Carey retort: Allrighty then! You want quotable quotes from the Constitution? We'll hurl 'em at you by the bucketful.
It can start, quite reasonably, at the beginning, with Article I, Section 1: "All legislative Powers herein granted shall be vested in a Congress of the United States." Catch that? All legislative powers.
Now, it's true that Section 7 also says, "Every Bill which shall have passed the House of Representatives and the Senate, shall, before it become a Law, be presented to the President of the United States." But every schoolchild knows that any given section 1 is more important in meaning than any given section 7, and only someone worthy of a section 8 would fail to understand this simple proposition. Therefore, henceforth, and whereas we, the Congress, know our rights, you, Mr. President, can take your veto pen and shove it. A law's a law, whether you approve it or not. The Founders said so -- or, at least, they really meant to say so.
Furthermore, we of Constitutional preeminence just noticed that Section 9 mentions "No Money shall be drawn from the Treasury, but in Consequence of Appropriations made by Law." That, Mr. President, would be our law. And with that, we're hereby defunding your blubbery Air Force One, your swanky limousines, your Secret Service protection, your friggin' salary and anything else we can think of that will make your tin-horn existence miserable, as you have so unconstitutionally done to us.
Now go sit in the corner. You're in some major time out. And don't bother trying to call us, just to whine. We're defunding your phone service, too.