I don't care what Hillary and the goo-goos say. It is a game, and junkies like us wait years for its kickoff and then follow it like Scrat in pursuit of the allusive Golden Acorn.
Hence yesterday was like standing at the Gates of Heaven. All those streaming numbers, all that spin, all that backbiting, belittling and humbug.
Democracy, of sorts, in action. And what did it tell us, assuming it had anything to say at all?
Best I can figure, it confirmed the conservative instincts of both the mossbacks and progressives.
Though he lost by only a field goal, it's fair to say that Huckabee's evangelical insurgency was soundly thumped, given the evangelical stronghold of South Carolina. When the Huck can't triumph on the holy fields of the South's most Burned-Over District, it would seem that God has blown the whistle.
The Huck will hang in there, of course, but first he's in need of a decision. Does he free himself to damn us all to hellfire for failing to heed His message? -- or does he rhetorically retreat, modify the Word, and then lie in wait with hands wringing for a more reasonable run in 2012?
It was McCain's job to pick up the more traditionally conservative GOP standard, and this he did, with admirable finesse. He pulled back from his liberal immigration stance, utters nary a peep about campaign finance and the loathsome "Iron Triangle," and is now generally supportive of tax cuts uber alles, always coupled with excoriations of the spending bugaboo.
John has returned to the conservative fold, little by little. And as long as he can keep his neoconservative credentials out front -- two-thirds of South Carolinians voting yesterday said they actually like George W. Bush -- he can play the fear card with the best of them. What more could a hunkered-down reactionary want?
Florida will still be the bloodbath we've all longed for, but it now seems that only two men -- McCain and Romney -- will be in the tub. Of course it's Rudy's last stand, but if Keith Olbermann's aside yesterday was accurate -- that Giuliani's campaign is calling volunteers to come in and make calls themselves, but they should bring their own cell phones -- then his coffers may not quite be up to the task. Maybe he could borrow a few bucks from Ron Paul.
The one true modern conservative continued to amuse. After coming in third, "Thompson delivered a speech that baffled even some supporters.... He thundered on for 10 minutes in language that seemed to point to a withdrawal statement. But he abruptly ended the speech with 'God bless you!' and walked off the stage."
You gotta love him, as I'm sure John did for having siphoned off all those Huckabee votes. I should think John is on the phone with Fred as I write, begging him to stay in the race.
The Democratic insurgencies also took a hit. It took Obama and Edwards combined to edge close to the popular vote of the tired, stale, hackneyed party machine as resurrected by the tired, stale, hackneyed Clintons. The latter once again put on their Rovian divide-and-conquer show, playing to identity politics, appealing to the usual special interests, triangulating the bejesus out of the hapless masses and cynically converting what the polls have said for months would be an easy win into a shocking upset.
Dear God, do Democrats really want another four to eight years of dynastic Clinton Wars? There's no better interpretation: That's the seemingly safer, conservative choice -- piece together those special interests hither and yon, squeak by in the general and then return to the political Zeitgeist of the 90s and all its concomitant, gridlocked infighting.
And the other conservatives are salivating. Nothing could make them happier than to pit their old machine against the Democrats' old machine. It's like coming home.
For us junkies, though, even better than the upcoming Florida bloodbath will be the South Carolina war this week. It'll be the Democratic version of the Bush-McCain butchery of 2000.
Brace yourself, dear insurgents, for some of the nastiest, dirtiest politicking ever from the Clinton camp -- bringing a smile to our faces. For it's amusing that the old tricks can still bamboozle so many.