Only because I couldn't haul my flu-riddled body out of bed this morning did I reach for the ease of the remote instead of slogging on foot to the papers, whereupon my further misfortune was twofold: Within just a few, sadistic minutes, on 'Morning Joe,' Chris Matthews droned on in a kind of diseased enchantment about the Mormon worldview and conservative nostalgia; then former governor and current Romney mouthpiece John Sununu -- perhaps the wickedest, most devious political hatchet man ever -- appeared on the show to straighten everyone out, about everything.
That's not to suggest in a sarcastic way that Sununu is always brutally wrong. Indeed, this morning he was partially right: In New Hampshire, the media "missed the story," hellbent as they were to make this second contest a horserace.
I'll grant you some suspense in Iowa -- first time out and all that; roaming packs of evangelicals; Romney's amber waves of corn; Gingrich's bombardment; Santorum's serendipitous debut ... and whatnot -- Iowa, always a good circus. But it, too, wasn't really one leg of a horserace, since pretty much everyone knew then, just as they know now, how the race will end.
The real -- and, I should think, far more fascinating -- story is, rather, at what precise velocity and electrifying moment the Republican Party will collapse, with Mitt Romney at the helm. "A near-panic has taken hold among some core conservative activists," reports the Post's Peter Wallsten and Karen Tumulty, because, in a word, they detest their party's fated nominee.
It's been nearly a half-century since we've seen anything like this in GOP politics; then, the radicals, alienating the moderates, embraced the nominee -- and because of this, their electoral doom was ensured; today the moderates, alienating the radicals (those "two key GOP wings: tea party groups yearning for a pure small-government conservative, and evangelical Christians who want a loyal social conservative"), are embracing the nominee -- and because of this, their electoral doom would seem to be ensured ... especially since in attempting to shore up his exceptionally shaky base, Romney will alienate vast swaths of reasonable independents.
That's the story, Mr. Sununu: your party's coming apocalypse.
And with that, I'm taking my flu-riddled body back to bed.