The NFL's TV schedulers must have mumbled themselves to sleep last night, burbling "the best-laid plans." Although Thanksgiving Day is the smaller Holy Grail of ratings (the Super Bowl, of course, is nirvana), it's still the stuff that dreams are made of. And back in the day, as they say — the days when Thanksgiving's football fare was chosen by the NFL's timetable gurus and evangelists — the scheduling looked pretty smart.
Then reality set in. Racked by injuries and, too often, some head-scratching play calling, those NFL lineups began looking less-than legitimately inspired. Upsets have ruled, kings have toppled, and game predictions have turned rather foolish. But I pride myself on foolish predictions, so ...
Today's first game is traditional in its Turkey Day setting, hence its television scheduling was fixed and forgivable. It's the Chicago Bears vs the Detroit Lions. The Lions have tied 1, lost 9 and won none. The Bears, at 3-7, aren't all that much better. The spread is 3 in the Bears' favor, nevertheless I'm picking the Lions. After all, though 10 straight coin flips have produced Lions-you-lose-on-heads, the 11th flip is still 50-50 coming up tails. I also remain confident in the Lions' basic ability to win football games; empiricism be damned.
Next up will be the Dallas Cowboys, 7-3, against the Las Vegas Raiders, 5-5. (I still haven't got used to them being in L.V., not Oakland. It's just not right.) The spread is Cowboys by 7.5. I'll allow for 10.5. Perhaps at the height of foolishness, I still see Dallas as a prime suspect for the Super Bowl. Someone once said of Wagner's music: "It's better than it sounds." Same with Cowboys football.
Finally there's the primetime matchup between the New Orleans Saints (5-5) and the Buffalo Bills (6-4). The spread is Bills by 6, but I'll go with the Saints. I once thought the Bills were likely to go all ... the ... way this year, but their defense has unexpectedly weakened. The over/under is 45.5, which sounds about right. The moneyline — Bills -270, Saints +220 — does not.
Why do I get such a kick out of football matchups, predictions and concomitant wagering? To me the sport is a secondary form of political matchups, with predictions and bets to follow. Football showdowns are also a pleasant distraction from political agon, even though both are imbued with bone breakings and induced concussions, one somewhat more literal than figurative. (Which one is up to the players and gawking spectators.)
So if you're like me, you'll have a happy, happy Thanksgiving. Just sit back, rip off a leg, pour a beverage, and comfortably enjoy those other guys' threefold, body-crushing spectacles on the gridiron.
In America, it's Roman Colosseum Day.
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2:42 p.m.: And so the Lions lose another. Penalties penalties penalties.
7:32 p.m.: All righty then! I'm batting 000.0.
10:01 pm.: So I'll finish the day with a trifecta of losses. I should stick to political forecasting.