Last night, upon sensing that my situational depression was dropping to unacceptably substandard levels, I decided to turn things around by reading all of Vladimir Putin's Monday night speech. That did the trick. Soon I was crying for mercy. For starters, the Russian dictator, in the best of Cuban dictator style, rattled off an astounding 7,465 words — the equivalent length of 10, back-to-back newspaper columns, or, counting applause, one-ninth of an average State of the Union address, America's annual test of public endurance.
Far more distressing than its verbosity, though, was the speech's content. I'm not yet foolish or cruelly despondent enough to reproduce the full speech here, but I did think you might like to read a few of its highlights, which should give you some idea of what The Atlantic's Tom Nichols called "simply unhinged":
"I will start with the fact that modern Ukraine was entirely created by Russia.... It is a historical fact.
"Even two years before the collapse of the USSR, its fate was actually predetermined. It is now that radicals and nationalists, including and primarily those in Ukraine, are taking credit for having gained independence.
"The Ukrainian authorities always preferred dealing with Russia in a way that ensured that they enjoy all the rights and privileges while remaining free from any obligations. The officials in Kiev replaced partnership with a parasitic attitude.
"It should be noted that Ukraine actually never had stable traditions of real statehood. And, therefore, in 1991 it opted for mindlessly emulating foreign models, which have no relation to history or Ukrainian realities.
"[Ukrainians] literally struggle to survive. What happened? Why is this all happening? The answer is obvious. They spent and embezzled the legacy inherited not only from the Soviet era, but also from the Russian Empire.
"There are more and more acts enabling the Ukrainian military and law enforcement agencies to crack down on the freedom of speech, dissent, and going after the opposition ... [and] Kiev continues to prepare the destruction of the Ukrainian Orthodox Church of the Moscow Patriarchate.
"As we know, it has already been stated today that Ukraine intends to create its own nuclear weapons, and this is not just bragging.
"The United States and NATO have started an impudent development of Ukrainian territory as a theatre of potential military operations.... Ukraine is home to NATO training missions which are, in fact, foreign military bases.
"The information we have gives us good reason to believe that Ukraine’s accession to NATO and the subsequent deployment of NATO facilities has already been decided and is only a matter of time. We clearly understand that given this scenario, the level of military threats to Russia will increase dramatically, several times over.
"Moreover, [the West is] again trying to blackmail us and are threatening us with sanctions, which, by the way, they will introduce no matter what as Russia continues to strengthen its sovereignty and its Armed Forces.
"Not a single day goes by without Donbass communities coming under shelling attacks.... The killing of civilians, the blockade, the abuse of people, including children, women and the elderly, continues unabated. As we say, there is no end in sight to this.
"Meanwhile, the so-called civilised world, which our Western colleagues proclaimed themselves the only representatives of, prefers not to see this, as if this horror and genocide, which almost 4 million people are facing, do not exist. But they do exist and only because these people did not agree with the West-supported coup in Ukraine in 2014 and opposed the transition towards the Neanderthal and aggressive nationalism and neo-Nazism which have been elevated in Ukraine to the rank of national policy.
"How long can this tragedy continue? How much longer can one put up with this? Russia has done everything to preserve Ukraine’s territorial integrity.... Everything was in vain."
This was probably coincidental, but after piecing together these quotes for posting I became violently nauseated, and still am. I kid you not.