Move over Shakespeare. The federal grand jury's 49-page, 37-count indictment of Donald Trump is a literary masterpiece of a morality play, a kaleidoscopic tragicomedy, a crime drama, an action thriller, a soap opera, a psychiatric chart, a legal brief and a manifesto of Molièrean hypocrisy. It has it all, save for Shakespearean honor, honesty and human decency. Coriolanus, Richard III and King John read like uplifting biographies once one has scoured Special Counsel Jack Smith's bill of particulars against Trump.
We already knew the former president was a scumbag, a beaming narcissist and sociopathic liar, a swindler of workers and betrayer of associates, a treasonous buffoon and cager of children and aspiring architect of a truly shithole country. But after pilfering a few highly classified documents he performed acts of astonishing stupidity and unprecedented hypocrisy that were briefly unknown and once unimaginable.
In 2016, Trump declared that "one of the first things we must do is ... enforce all laws relating to the handling of classified information." You know, Hillary. Privately, however, he praised one of her lawyers for having deleted 30,000 of her government emails, some of which he had wrathfully claimed were classified (they were unmarked as such). "He did a great job," said Trump in 2022.
That, at least, was not an instance of "breathtaking criminal conduct," as The Washington Post characterizes his post-presidential behavior. It was instead ironic disingenuity, compared to what he had been telling the rubes. Yet virtually everything else Trump did in the privacy of his New Jersey and Florida snake pits was — aside from astonishingly stupid — breathtakingly criminal.
"Wouldn’t it be better if we just told them we don’t have anything here?" That was Trump's preference when one of his lawyers told him he had to return classified documents, as ordered by a grand jury subpoena. That instruction, Trump ignored.
He showed a classified map of a foreign country to somebody from his political action committee, of all things, while admitting "he should not be showing the map," says the indictment. He also "suggest[ed] that his attorney hide or destroy documents" and otherwise "suggest[ed] that his attorney falsely represent to the FBI and grand jury that [he] did not have documents called for." The man was a walking obstructer of justice.
The following conversation, quoted in the indictment, is already famous. What I find interesting about it, and the reason I re-quote it, is that the media have inexplicably omitted its mendacity from their coverage, concentrating only on the "could have declassified it" part. In Trump's opening remarks, "he" is Joint Chief of Staff Chairman Mark Milley, and "Country A" is Iran.
Why do I note Milley and Iran, and complain about the media's coverage? Because Trump was outright lying to the people in the room, who included two ghostwriters for a Mark Meadows autobiography. In other words, Trump's lie would soon see public print. But Milley was opposed to attacking Iran. Trump was waving around a Milley-produced Pentagon document that detailed an attack strategy, should that ever become necessary to deploy. To have invasion plans worked out beforehand is standard operating procedure by the U.S. military. The document was certainly no endorsement by Milley — and Trump knew it. This, it seems to me, is rather critical background information regarding this particular exchange. And yet the media have been mum.
I should also note that Trump, on Truth Social, has returned to his FBI "planting" ruse. Last night he wrote that bureau agents "wouldn’t let my lawyers or representatives anywhere near them" during their search of his Mar-a-Lago residence. He added: "Knowing them, and based on past performance, they probably later 'stuffed' in other documents." So we're back to that silliness.
Elsewhere on Truth Social, Trump is calling Jack Smith a "deranged lunatic," a "deranged psycho," a "Coward and a Thug!“ Additionally, he's inventing another Biden scandal: "I never gave a foreign power anything. Biden probably did." And he's claiming that "Biden pressed Jack Smith to do this in order to take the pressure off the fact that they caught him stealing $5 Million." The ubiquitous they — and "caught him stealing" is stated factually.
My apologies to Attorney General Garland. When he appointed a special counsel, rather than proceeding with an indictment himself, I was furious, in part because I believed Garland was counting on Smith to unbreakably prolong his investigation and then stall any legal action, possibly permanently. I was wrong, insufferably so. Sorry about that, Merrick.
As for Trump, I refer his presiding judge to Robert Birchum. He's a retired Air Force lieutenant colonel who was sentenced by U.S. District Judge Kathryn Kimball Mizelle to three years in federal prison for having stored classified files at his Florida home, announced the Justice Department just 10 days ago.