The Guardian's American politics correspondent, Adam Gabbatt, wrote in his morning newsletter, "I’m going to offer you the shortest election recap you will find anywhere" — to be precise, 53 words.
"Trump shot. Republican national convention, Hulk Hogan. Harris coronation. RFK Jr, car, bear, Trump endorsement. JD Vance. Cat ladies. Weird guys. Tim Walz. Elon Musk, jumping. Harris, good debate. Polls tight. Cats! dogs! Polls still tight. Madison Square Garden. Puerto Rico, garbage. No, you are garbage. Joy. Fear. Polls somehow still tight. Today."
Sorry, Adam, but I can do better than that. I can offer an even shorter election recap — 18 words.
"Trump began as a jackass, he became a bigger jackass, and then he became the biggest jackass ever."
It'll cost him the election, but that's not yet part of the election recap.
(Can you tell I'm a little bored just waiting for the first polls to close?)