Putin, misquoted on Trump wuz robbed

Trump is now claiming victory in settling eight wars. Like "a lot of people" you may think that's up one from seven, that being logical enough, but actually it's up two from six "because there's one that nobody knows about," he said, late August. Indeed, some of the not-knowing nobodies were the combatants, since they were never combatants to begin with.

Mass murderer and wanted war criminal Vladimir Putin appeared to support Trump's additional claim to yesterday's Nobel Peace Prize because of the wonderful things he does. As you do know, the award went instead to Venezuela's courageous opposition leader, María Corina Machado.

Vlad seemed to say that "[Trump] is really doing a lot to solve crises that have lasted years, in some cases decades." Little reported, however, is that U.N. translators soon noted that whoever anglicized Vlad's Russian utterance had mistaken the English verb cause for "solve."

Scholars of recent history have scoured Trump's record of alleged war-settling success. So far their research has rendered lots of head-scratching over a few flops, but also immense admiration of an idiot demagogue's savant ability to convert several nothings into self-backslapping triumphs.    

His claim to have solved (1) a WW III-magnitude flareup between India and Pakistan uniquely impressed the dumbfounded scholars beyond words, whether English, Punjabi or Hindi. For the nation's Hindi-speaking leader said Trump played no part in negotiating the ceasefire.       

As for the war he settled (2) between Egypt and Ethiopia, Lawrence Haas, a senior fellow at the American Foreign Policy Council, said "It would be a gross overstatement to say that these countries are at war. I mean, they’re just not."

Serbia and Kosovo? They don't like each other, you bet. But there was no armed conflict for Trump to resolve (3), especially since President Clinton, principally, deployed peacekeeping NATO forces to Kosovo in the last year of the last century.

What about (4) Rwanda and the Democratic Republic of the Congo? Yes, the countries' foreign ministers signed a peace deal at the White House. But the deal had something of a snag: the conflict's major belligerent, the Rwanda-supported rebel group M23, wasn't part of it. The Congo and M23 still aren't talking. The fighting continues.

Okay, but Trump settled (5) Cambodia and Thailand's border conflict, right? After all, they signed his negotiated ceasefire agreement in July. So they're cool, right? Well, they would be if not for the continued fighting there, too.

Ah, but (6) Armenia, AzerbaijanIn, and their territorial dispute. In August, at yet another White House extravaganza, Trump had them sign a peace treaty. In September, Azerbaijani launched a mop-up blitzkrieg on Armenia — and America still claims the disputed territory.

Hands down, though, (7) Israel and Iran, for sure. But hands go up in a show of ... surely you jest. Infinitely. There's not a non-obliteration earth, Trump's or otherwise, that will ever get these two fine specimens of Metternichian diplomacy together.     

So Trump's standing was 0-7 until this week, when he ushered in (8). I've already discussed the eponymous sword dangling over Hamas and Israel's ceasefire. Its thread always snaps. It's who Donald Trump is, it's what he does.

The transcript fully corrected, Vlad said it best. Trump is really doing a lot to cause crises that will last for years, in some cases decades, adding, and about Ukraine, many thanks.

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Cross-posted in Substack.