"The lady doth protest too much," we all thinks*

The upside? Never before has humanity seen a video a full one minute and 20 seconds long in which Donald Trump appears but in which Donald Trump says nothing. This, ladies and gentlemen, is historic film.

Pam Bondi, on the other hand, fits with exquisite perfection the historical pattern of all things Trump: She doesn't answer the reporter's question; rather, she veers into unsolicited, distraction-oriented geegollyslop so characteristic of all arse-cockled, ferret-wearing, fascist shitgibbons of vocational con artistry.

Also of conspicuous note is the video's pre-play description: BONDI CLARIFIES EPSTEIN COMMENT. The verb's missing air-quotation marks courtesy of Scripps News, always with "the latest, in-depth coverage."

Jonathan Last dug up some accurate quotes ...

JD Vance, October 2024, then the veep nominee. Last: "Presumably he was involved in all the important briefings Trump was being given. At the time Vance did not question whether or not the list existed." Vance: "Seriously, we need to release the Epstein list. That is an important thing."

Alina Habba, March 2025, then-WH counselor to Ferret Face: "I personally have checked in. They are going through it.... You have to make sure that you save the integrity of the investigation so that we can bring these people to justice.... The value for the American people to know immediately would undercut—we have to do it. We have to expose it. And we’re going to be transparent, 100 percent."

Kash Patel, July 2023, Glenn Beck asked: "Who has Jeffrey Epstein's black book?" Patel: "Yeah." Beck: "But who?" Patel: "The FBI. That's under direct control of the Director of the FBI." Last: "[It's possible that] Patel was reporting real facts told to him by people who knew the truth." Or probable.

Elon Musk, June 2025, who by then "had been given an all-access pass to the government"; he was "in a position to know whether or not such files existed." Musk (now deleted): "Time to drop the really big bomb: @realDonaldTrump is in the Epstein files. That is the real reason they have not been made public."

Granted, each of the four is as much a shitgibbon as the fascist ferret face. And (to use a ferretism) many would say that Musk's statement is the most obviously dubious one. Last nonetheless rightly remarks that we "might call [his] a statement from a whistleblower. Meaning that it is worthy of investigation."

Of course it is.

Trump has ordered Bondi to launch an investigation into "whether former President Joe Biden's administration sought to conspire to cover up his mental state while in office" and instructed CIA Director Ratcliffe to instruct FBI Director Patel to investigate former CIA and FBI directors Brennan and Comey "for potential criminal conduct related to the 2016 Trump-Russia collusion probe."

So a legitimate investigation would be a refreshing change. Yet, notwithstanding Of course it is, legitimacy has nothing to do with regimes run by fascists and professional con artists of historic, exquisite perfection.

Curious, therefore, is that Mr. Last, with seeming sincerity, recommends "putting all of these executive branch employees (Bondi, Vance, Habba, Patel, Musk) under oath" to get to the truth, "that something like an Epstein list does exist." But at least he quickly recovers: "Or, you’ll find out that these people are full of shit."

There's another of course: because they're Shakespearean shitgibbons. Even if for once one of the quadrumvirate were to speak honestly — just what, prithee, would being "under oath" have to do with said testimony? — that singular, rarest of all bipedal acts would in no way subtract from the heap of shit which perforce has accumulated in the ferret follower's brain.

If an Epstein list ever existed, doubtless the name of indiscriminate sexual abuser "Trump" was on it. But let's face it, such a list has long since been burned into molecular disintegration by order of the fascist regime's namesake — just as "special consultant" Pat Buchanan counseled Dick Nixon to do with his criminal tapes but didn't, to his enormous regret.

There does exist, however, immense, incontrovertible joy to be derived from all this crap — that of watching the MAGA ferrets scurry hither and yon in the underbrush of amoral corruption and shriek Cover-up! while avoiding, also with meticulous cult perfection, dragging Donald's name into what they so clearly believe is history's greatest scandal.

Which leads us to the final of course. In evading the far bigger truth — of national disintegration — they are, as always, missing the point.

*This piece is cross-posted at my Substack page, PUBLICK OCCURRENCES both FORREIGN and DOMESTICK. Please consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.