Wunderkind Karoline

The age of White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt is what fascinates me. Every spokesperson for Trump lies, twists facts into unrecognizable mush and turns whole worlds of reality upside-down. But another truth is that the main invasion force of Trump's enemy mendacity fleet is on average considerably older than Ms. Leavitt's mere 27 years. In short, she's the Joseph Goebbels of Robert Redford's The Natural.

Ponder, for instance, Leavitt's CNN-directed statement yesterday. It's a tour de force of mangled logic and odiously laughable propagandistic horseshit smoothly knocked out of the park.

This alleged assessment is flat-out wrong and was classified as "top secret" but was still leaked to CNN by an anonymous, low-level loser in the intelligence community. The leaking of this alleged assessment is a clear attempt to demean President Trump, and discredit the brave fighter pilots who conducted a perfectly executed mission to obliterate Iran’s nuclear program. Everyone knows what happens when you drop fourteen 30,000 pound bombs perfectly on their targets: total obliteration.

That's impressive. Any other press secretary would almost certainly be unable to peel the factual skin from his or her first three words. But not Karoline Leavitt. Like it or not, the Defense Intelligence Agency's "assessment" of damage inflicted on Iran's nuclear development sites was, well, an assessment — a material item invulnerable to an unshakable suspicion of nonexistence.

She then confirmed the somethingness of what she had just presumed was a nothing by labeling it "top secret." Still. there is no "leak" of either substance or immateriality whose media messengers — WH-revealed to all as "the enemy of the people" — shall not be named and summarily shot by Ms. Leavitt. CNN, R.I.P. (Its coconspirator, The New York Times, got off with only the threat of a libel suit from "a personal lawyer for Mr. Trump." See what I mean? — the natural?)

Leavitt further confirmed the DIA's mysterious something by declaring it "flat-out wrong." Also positively unmysterious about it was its "clear attempt to demean" the self-demeaning Mr. Trump and somehow simultaneously "discredit the brave fighter pilots" who flew the mission. Would the latter notion, especially, have ever landed in MAGA's head had it not been eased down at the capable hands of Capt. Leavitt? Moreover, countless is the number of "perfectly executed mission[s]" gone awry in war.

Her "Everyone knows what happens when ..." phrase is a credible nominee for Most Laughable. But switching to the category of Most Devious is her "leaked by an anonymous, low-level loser in the intelligence community." Here, it's the subtlety that fascinates: Leavitt's soft implication was that the assessment itself is of low-level quality. (By the way, news reports should change the phrase "intelligence community" to "intelligent community" to more clearly distinguish it from the Leavitt community.)

Donald Trump, of course, is also a natural at converting the real to the surreal. (Relevant case in point: When speaking in the Netherlands yesterday, he added "totally" to a regime-released statement of "obliterated.") But I submit that he's not quite in the same league as Karoline Leavitt, a 27-year-old prodigy.

As we slip farther into the contours of March 1933, observing the unmitigated horseshit dumped on us and the world by the home team's Goebbels clone is like viewing an Edward R. Murrow television episode of "You Are There."